Everybody has a Ghost
by JuniperHeart
Summary: After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it. Rated M for eventual adult themes.
1. Ghost

**Everybody has a Ghost**

By JuniperHeart

**Summary - **After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.

**Warnings - **Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and may contain swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.

**Pairings - **Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer

**A/N - **As I am usually inspired by songs, I decided to base each chapter on an influential song. This chapter was inspired by Ghost by Live. I hope you enjoy! Squall/Seifer is still my absolute favourite pairing to write about and I hope readers are still into it.

* * *

**Chapter One** - **Ghost**

_Everybody has a ghost_

_Everybody has a ghost that sings like you do_

_Yours is not like mine, It's all right, keep it up_

Squall Leonhart felt that he should be happy. He should be content, at least. He should be satisfied with what his hard work had gained for him. All the battles, all the stress and hardship he had gone through with the sorceress' war against Ultimecia, Adel, Seifer and whom he considered his second mother, Edea. All the emotional strain he had faced during time compression.

As Squall looked out from what used to be Cid's office window and gazed across the distinct areas of Balamb garden he knew that he was decidedly not happy. He commanded the amazing relic that Balamb garden was, commanded the students studying to be SeeDs and the SeeDs that were either in the garden or sent out on missions and he knew he had earned it with what he had been through, but it definitely wasn't contributing to anywhere near a positive state of mind. As the sun began to set to the west, scattering peach, coral and fuchsia hues across the mountains behind garden he felt as though he should be at peace with himself and the bloody history he had once been a part of.

It had slowly been creeping its way through his entire being, his 'darkness' he called it, and it had only really become distinct from his usual morose nature within the last few months. Now it chipped away at the once impenetrable shell he enveloped himself with and affected everything he did, the people he came into contact with and the way he treated himself. Even the seemingly never-endingly lively Zell became rather muted in Squall's midst, even though Squall had felt that Zell was immune to that sort of thing. Squall had put Zell in charge of training the students combat techniques a few years ago once the blonde had mellowed somewhat, but he didn't realise Zell was capable of becoming that mellow.

Quistis had taken leave of garden to follow her new found passion: Politics. Squall thought she was absolutely insane getting into it, given that Esthar was now not hidden anymore from the rest of the world tensions were once again rising between Esthar and Galbadia. She seemed to have a good mind for that sort of thing though, and after discussions with Squall's father Laguna, she eagerly accepted the role of his primary military advisor.

As for Selphie and Irvine, soon after the defeat of Ultimecia they decided to take the domestic route and settle down in Winhill. He thought they were insane too, but they seemed remarkably happy with their many cats and two offspring, no matter how stressed by their family they seemed to be. It was pretty amazing to see the 180 degrees Irvine shifted after falling for Selphie and she seemed to have actually calmed somewhat since the fall of Ultimecia.

And here Squall was, witnessing how passionate his fellow comrades still were with their lives, and feeling nil of that for himself. He knew he was lonely. Since opening up quite a lot due to Rinoa's effect on him he was more aware of some of the things he was feeling. So loneliness was definitely there, maybe a dash of misery and a void of emptiness were there too. Xu and Nida had noticed the gradual change in demeanour and took on more of the stressful jobs that Squall would normally be required to do. If anything, that probably made him worse, because now he was also incredibly _bored out of his freaking mind_.

Squall pursed his lips tightly, feeling the sharp pang in his chest and willing it to subside. His trademark but now rather tattered bomber jacket was swung on and his trusty lionheart was taken familiarly into his right hand. There wasn't much else to do but go slice the innards out of some grats and maybe a T-Rexaur would cross his path to provide a bit more challenge.

At eight in the evening the corridors of garden were slightly crowded with students returning to the dormitory after stuffing their faces with hot dogs. Why they still provided the students with unhealthy and hardly nutritious meals was beyond him, but he had an inkling that the presence of Zell in the garden may have had something to do with hot dogs still being on the menu.

He saw the looks the students gave him; like he was someone from a different planet. He wasn't their new headmaster as such, Xu had taken that responsibility, but he was still involved in the training of the students and the contracts that the SeeDs were given. The increasing unrest between Esthar and Galbadia indicated that his job was about to become more and more stressful. Luckily their intake of students had increased quite markedly over the 5 years since the fall of Ultimecia. From what he had seen and heard from others, a lot of young people were inspired by Squall and co. to become soldiers. It was a bittersweet thing for Squall to be a part of; he liked seeing that there was something young people were passionate about but he wouldn't wish what he had gone through on anyone. He knew the students were surprised at how aloof he had become, given that he apparently was 'one of the saviours of the world'. So many people had died or had sacrificed their livelihood to ensure the safety of the world's population, like Rinoa ultimately had. And then there was what happened to Seifer…

Ignoring the curious, yet intimidated gazes from the passing students, Squall blocked off his mind from any future unpleasant thoughts other than destroying monsters. They certainly were going to be annihilated tonight.

* * *

The monsters held no challenge for him, GF or no. It was nearing the third anniversary since Dr. Odine had successfully declared the guardian forces to be detrimental to human health and called for any GF users to seal their summons away in what he called a 'Guardian Force Bank'. Only on such missions such as controlling the population of the dragons and other tough beasts were they ever used, and the mental condition of the users had to be strictly monitored after every mission. They also rotated the SeeDs on these missions to limit the exposure to the effects of the GFs. Squall certainly didn't have any need for them anymore, but he was a little worried that the soldiers and students would need them in due course and that the bank would eventually be ransacked and plundered by those in power.

Squall sliced through another smelly grat and quickly dashed away to avoid the consequent explosion of gastric juice. There were no T-Rexaurs as of yet, but he knew the population had declined somewhat in the training center, probably due to himself. He gritted his teeth and made a mental note to tell Xu they needed to get someone to breed them again. Who that unlucky individual would be, he had no regard for.

Another grat down and he was feeling a little fatigue and sweat on his brow but no satiety and no relief from the returning stream of thoughts. Thinking that 40 grat would probably do, he decided to retire to the shower room to clean off the grime. He was always thankful at the end of his training that he had his own shower room and supply of post-workout clothing so he could avoid the stares from the students. He also knew they saw him fight the monsters; his furiousness in doing such probably contributing to some of the fearful looks directed his way. However, the secret area always caught his eye on his way through the training centre. Maybe he could scare the students 'using' the area away. It wasn't as though he cared young people used it to make out, but he did get a little sadistic happiness from their reaction to being snapped.

As he expected, the students occupying the area either shrieked in terror or apologised profusely before leaving. It wasn't as though he was happy they left; it only set in that feeling of loneliness once again. The pulsing orange lights leading up the central tower made him feel terribly nostalgic. Quistis had once led him here, dejected and lonely and in need of comfort from a friend. At that point in time he didn't put much stock in friendship and thought that solitude was a form of strength. Then Rinoa had to turn that theory on its head and now here he was. Not that he blamed her for anything. He couldn't blame or hate her for anything she had ever done in her life. She had made the ultimate sacrifice.

Squall sighed shakily and ran his fingers through his damp hair. No matter what he did or told himself he would never forget what happened. He would never ever fill the void losing her had left. Of course, it was only temporary; If 4 years and counting was what was considered temporary. Rinoa had voluntarily, like before, been sealed away due to increasingly losing control of the powers she had inherited from Adel. Any longer and she felt she would have been a threat to everyone living so, being selfless as she was, she put herself in stasis for everyone's sake. Since then Squall had become more and more aware of her loss. More and more lonely. More and more empty. It could be worse, he supposed. She could be permanently lost.

Trying his best to distract himself from his morbid thinking, he rushed out of the secret area and hurried back to his living quarters. It was unfortunate that he could no longer draw or use magic; otherwise he would hit himself with a rather potent sleep spell. The whiskey would have to do, for now.

However, his concerns about the future of garden and the tensions between Esthar and Galbadia kept him restless, even after he had forced down copious amounts of whiskey. He would have to initiate discussions with Odine tomorrow about allowing more soldiers to access to the GF bank and training them in using their GFs and the powers associated with them. He was becoming increasingly concerned the more he thought about it. Even though he assumed they were at an advantage being the only garden with GF using soldiers (and therefore had a monopoly over the contracts regarding the monsters that could not be defeated without them) he felt like he was running out of time. He imagined Xu was thinking the exact same thing, as she always seemed to be one step ahead. Squall breathed in a shallow breath and tried to recall what Dr. Kadowaki had told him in their many 'discussions'. That was what she called them, but he knew he was being counseled. Practicing his mindfulness, he accepted the thoughts entering and leaving his head as neutral and eventually fell into slumber.


	2. In a State

**Everybody has a Ghost**

By JuniperHeart

**Summary - **After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.

**Warnings - **Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.

**Pairings - **Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer

**A/N - **Thanks for the support. Enjoy! The lyrics are taken from 'In a State' by Unkle.

**Chapter Two – In a State**

_My mind is in a state, 'cause everything I miss, it comes too late_

_So I try to disappear but there is only one way out of here_

_This time, this time reality struck me between the eyes_

Squall winced as his blaring alarm roused him from all too comfortable slumber. Mornings had become more and more unbearable as time went on until he only had dregs of motivation left. This morning was no different. Fighting the almost irresistible urge to press sleep on his alarm and fall back into the abyss, he turned off his alarm and rolled out of his warm bed.

Upon entering the bathroom he swiftly avoided looking into the mirror and climbed into the shower to fight the crisp morning chill. Another day, another set of tasks to fulfil. He supposed he was lucky he had developed an anal level of organisation and so everything was done by the numbers. Efficiency was key, in his opinion, even when it came to paperwork. He would have to get started today by analysing the intelligence retrieved from his agents in Galbadia, inform Quistis of the situation and then tackle the ordeal of getting the SeeDs their guardian forces back. Now that was going to be a logistical nightmare; getting the soldiers to and from Esthar without lacking soldiers at garden in case of an emergency. Even though Esthar was not that far from Balamb, it would still take time for a complete transfer of GF to SeeD.

Squall pressed his forehead against the shower wall and groaned into it. He didn't want to do all of this. It was expected of him and he took it up like he was supposed to. Before Cid had passed away he had always mentioned how good it was for Squall to do this job, how he naturally instilled morale in the students and SeeDs. How they respected him and looked up to him as a commander.

What absolute and utter crap. He was respected as much as an intrusive mother-in-law on a wedding day.

So he knew why he kept doing this. Out of respect for Cid and out of guilt that he would be somehow letting him down if he gave it up. What he wouldn't give for an uncomplicated job fixing up cars or weapons or something. It was too late now, given the political instability between Galbadia and Esthar.

After washing for longer than necessary, Squall quickly dressed into his usual casual attire of a t-shirt and jeans (he no longer bothered with the leather and belts; he couldn't be bothered) and made his way out of his rooms and up to the central office.

Even in his casual getup the students didn't seem to change their opinion of him. He felt helpless to change that opinion also, like hell would freeze over if he actually smiled and talked to them. He had the feeling that would send them running like bats out of hell anyway. So he blocked out their curious and wary whispers and entered the elevator, remembering the techniques Dr. Kadowaki had taught him to feel at peace.

Peace, however, was a fleeting feeling as Squall examined the intelligence reports on his computer screen. Galbadia was indeed calling for more mercenaries, engineers, pilots and mages, but it didn't look as though they were steaming ahead to war for a while. So he still had time to prepare. The brunette scrolled and skim-read through the report to find the important parts, his eyes resting on some information that did in fact worry him. There were rumours of their using Balamb garden as a base, given it was smack bang in between the two nations. So he would have to move Garden and evacuate Balamb town to prevent that. But if he moved too suddenly Galbadia would get suspicious, so he figured when more pressing information came about he would make the move. The report did not seem to contain much information about the strength of Galbadia's army, yet they had always been second to Esthar in terms of technology, science and strength so he had no clue why they were preparing for an attack. Was it something Esthar had that they wanted? Something that Esthar wouldn't just give away? In any case, he had a lot to discuss with Quistis… but… He would talk to Odine first. A discussion with Quistis recently did not just involve an exchange of information. Then again, talking with Odine was not that appealing either. Regardless, he punched through his number and waited for his image to show up on the holographic screen.

This was always part of the problem talking with Odine; trying to pull him away from his research could sometimes take a very long time.

After about 3 minutes of dialling and waiting somewhat patiently, Odine's haggard visage appeared on the screen.

"Vat iz the meaning of zis?! Don't you realize zat I have important research to do…" Odine raved away at the screen, Squall filtering most of it out.

By now, Squall was used to it. "Dr. Odine," Squall shouted over top the ranting, "we're going to need to get the SeeD's and students their GFs back quickly. I'm sure you're aware of the situation in Galbadia?"

Odine's verbal diarrhoea truncated almost immediately, but he still appeared quite impatient. "Yes. I am aware of zis."

"So, I'm sure you can understand our position. We're going to send those in Balamb garden to your GF facility in rotations as of today. I will also contact Quistis and ask her to send their soldiers to the facility also. We can't take any chances." And thus Squall awaited the backlash.

"I am NOT staffed to deal with zis! How do you expect me to just drop everyzing…"

Squall sighed and raised his hands, as if it would calm the scientist. "I will ask Quistis to put as many resources as she can into this operation, including, perhaps, a research incentive for yourself."

Odine trailed off from his rant but eventually nodded in approval. "It iz agreed. I also have news zat you may be interested in…"

"Go on." Squall narrowed his eyes in suspicion. This man could be tricky.

"I have been verking on a modification for my bracelet. My calculations suggest zat it may be able to completely subdue the sorceress' power if it senses it going out of control… And your friend may be a great asset in this var… if it becomes such."

Anger coursed through Squall. Rinoa would never be an 'asset', and how did he know that his calculations were correct? Then again, his discoveries had been on the money so far.

Suppressing his desire to punch an unbreakable screen, he chose to nod. "Thank you for that information. Message me with more information as it comes about, please." He didn't know if he could take another conversation with the man, even if it weren't in person.

"Yes, yes, I must get back to my research. Send me details on the individuals I will working with."

And with that, the weird, seedy scientist was gone. Thank goodness.

Would Rinoa really be set free? Would she really be able to live a normal life? A spark of optimism hit Squall but then the reality sent him crashing down. How would they ever 'be' again? He was decidedly asexual. The only person he felt any semblance of love for was Matron, and that was all too distant to him now. Squall heaved a sigh and cradled his face in his hands. He didn't even know if he still loved Rinoa; it had been so long since they'd actually seen each other. He never went to visit her at the memorial, even though he should have, but he couldn't bear to go through those feelings again. Seeing her in that state and not being able to do anything about it. In the year after the war against Ultimecia they had been together, he had been happy. Having Rinoa in his life had made him happy. Her being in stasis had left him morbidly depressed. But did he still _love_ her in a more intimate way? Did he ever? He knew his feelings had been warped by his darkness so he didn't dare ask any more questions of himself. He dialled Quistis' number instead.

Quistis was fairly prompt to accept his call, compared to Odine. Her usually happy grin graced him and Squall almost felt as though he should smile back. Almost.

"Squall! Just the man I was thinking about! To what do I owe this honour?" She grinned and chewed on the tip of her pen; an old habit.

Squall's lip twitched in borderline annoyance. "Come off it, we talk to each other all the time."

"Still, I enjoy it every time," Quistis quipped and rustled some papers on her desk. "So… what do you have for me today?"

Squall relayed the intelligence he had received from his agents and his plans to equip the students and SeeDs with their GFs.

"That's interesting. So… it doesn't seem like they'll attack soon?"

Squall shook his head and relaxed back in his chair. "They're still gathering their forces. It could take time. Also, I need to advise you that we may need to move Garden and evacuate Balamb closer to the attack as there are rumours they will be after Balamb first."

"Ooh, that's not good. Laguna is still trying to talk with President Wright and get him come clean about their plans but no cigar. I have a hunch as to what they want, so I think I know where you should land Garden." Quistis, a departure from her younger days, seemed to now enjoy leaving the conversation hanging. Maybe it was an attempt to get Squall to say something, even if it was asking her to continue her train of thought.

He indulged her. "Where is that?"

"Near the sorceress memorial. I can't think of anything else they would want from Esthar that they had to take by force."

Squall clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his hair. "Plausable." He had no idea what he could say to that. It wasn't as though he could blurt out what he had been thinking before this conversation. "Has Odine talked to you?"

"No… Not recently. Even though we should be talking regularly I try to avoid that man as much as possible." She seemed to visually shudder, or maybe it was just the hologram.

"Understandable," Squall offered, "I feel the same way. He has been working on that bangle… You know, the one that supposedly suppresses sorceress' powers?"

Quistis nodded, noticeably on edge now.

"Well, he says that his modifications will shut down Rinoa's powers as soon as they go haywire…"

The blonde's eyes widened. "You mean…?"

"Yes."

Quistis leapt up from her chair and started pacing excitedly. "So we can free Rinoa? I mean, I was not a big fan in the beginning but she really grew on me." Once Quistis was back in her chair she continued. "So… How do you feel about this?"

"Oh, here we go…" Squall swung around in his chair.

"Squall! Don't you turn away from me like that young man!" Quistis reprimanded. "You _need_ to talk about these things! Hyne, you never talk to me about anything. I _know_ what's happening to you. It doesn't take a genius to see that you're-"

"-I'm what?" The brunette swung back around in his chair. "Depressed? Lonely? Empty? I know what's happening to me, I just don't know what the fuck to do about it!"

Quistis frowned, fuming. "That's it. I've had enough. You're a stubborn prick, you know that?"

"Yeah, and what?" Squall was out of witty retorts. He couldn't win against her anyway.

"I talked to Xu and we've decided to present an ultimatum. An _intervention_ if you please."

Squall could feel himself slowly reaching breaking point. "Oh please, it's not like I'm a druggie or something."

Quistis paused and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You need to get away. We're worried about you and you're not getting any better. I also called Matron. She's expecting you later on today."

"WHAT?" Squall thought he was relatively tolerant, that was until his freedom was snatched away from him. "What did you say to Edea?"

Quistis chuckled exasperatedly. "Oh, she knows all about what you're going through right now, and hey, she offered to take you in for a few days. And you know what? She seems pretty hell-bent on seeing you."

"I can't believe this…" Squall once again rested his face in his hands. "So I have no choice? What about the war? The GF transfers? The bloody breeding of T-Rexaur? I can't just drop everything."

Quistis' face softened after Squall mentioned the T-Rexaur breeding. "Yes. Yes you can. It's all organised. If you give me your passwords I will take over intelligence, Xu and I will sort out the GF transfers and Xu will delegate the breeding to an unlucky soul. You need to get out of this… This hole and being on your own in Garden is not helping."

It was at this point that Squall conceded. "Fine."

"Great! I will let Matron know! And you should take Ragnarok out for a spin anyway. Let me know when you get there and I'll keep you updated. Have fun!"

"See you." Squall muttered. Like hell he was going to have fun. He loved Matron, but even so, he was expected even more of a grilling from her than Quistis was ever capable of.

Squall's chair squeaked as he leant back in it, stretching his arms behind his head. Maybe it _would _be exactly what the doctor ordered.


	3. Apocalypse Dreams

**Everybody has a Ghost**

By JuniperHeart

**Summary - **After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.

**Warnings - **Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and may contain swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.

**Pairings - **Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer

**A/N - **Sorry that I take so long updating! I have a very busy job that is using up much of my time. The song for this chapter is Apocalypse Dreams by Tame Impala.

**Chapter Three – Apocalypse Dreams**

_Everything is changing and there's nothing I can do_

_My world is turning pages while I am just sitting here_

_Well, am I getting closer? Will I ever get there? Does it even matter? _

The rest of Squall's morning consisted of trying to scrounge up people to assist in the T-rexaur breeding programme but with no luck, understandably. Not many people risked battling them now that magic was not available, let alone corralling them and trying to get them to breed.

Around midday during lunch Squall felt that he should probably think about the agreement he had made with Quistis. He had been avoiding it most of the morning, as reluctant as he was to go see Matron. He did love and miss _her_ but not her lectures.

"Hey Squall!" A loud familiar voice broke Squall from his reverie. "Hear you're going away for a few days."

A tray with about ten hotdogs clattered down on the table and the stocky head of training flopped onto the chair across from Squall.

"Against my will, yes." Squall didn't look up from his stuffed chicken breast in greeting, but he supposed Zell was used to that sort of thing.

The sound of Zell stuffing a hot dog down his gullet assaulted Squall's ears and he was instantly put off what he didn't really want to eat in the first place. He was noticing he wasn't putting in what he was putting out and his hip bones were jutting out more than he liked. He knew about nutrition, he just felt no enjoyment in eating.

"Man, I'm jealous. I'd love to get away to see Matron, but these young ones are keeping me busy. Xu told me that I needed to push them even harder due to 'preparations' being made by particular governments." Zell grinned widely, remnants of hotdogs remaining in his teeth.

Zell had already downed two hot dogs and was starting on his third when Squall began to wonder where they went. His impressive physique did not seem to change, no matter his diet. He was also wondering when and if his metabolism would slow down at some point.

"I'm sure the prodigies will begin to shine at any time." Squall muttered and pushed his tray away, finally meeting Zell's bright blue eyes.

"I don't know if we have anyone matching you or Seifer's level at that age, though. Some are talented but there's none with any natural ability." Zell lowered his voice. "I'm worried that if something does happen that these kids won't be able to hold their own."

The edges of the brunette's mouth twitched. He liked it when seemingly macho men showed their sensitive side, and even though Zell was a lot calmer, he still got defensive about things.

"Don't worry Zell, they'll be the last force we'll use. Esthar's military force eclipses Galbadia, so we shouldn't have to resort to using ungraduated students."

The blonded grinned, looking slightly relieved. "Then again, we'd only just become SeeDs and they sent us out on a mission that turned out to be pretty dangerous."

Squall exhaled. "Those were desperate times. This time no sorceresses are involved… well…" Squall unconsciously trailed off, "I hope…" Squall held his tongue quickly, hoping that Zell had not heard the last few words.

"Rinoa? How's she involved?

Squall ran his hand through his hair and cursed under his breath. "I suppose I should tell you."

"Tell me what?" Zell moved closer, curiosity painted on his face.

"It's thought that Galbadia are after Rinoa. They must know that she's unable to control her powers and think they can use that as a force against the rest of the world." Squall's heart thudded. They wouldn't do anything if he had anything to do with it. "That's why a weaker nation is thinking of going to war with Esthar. There's no other obvious explanation."

Zell slouched back in his chair. "Oh shit."

"Yeah. Pretty much." Squall pushed himself up from his seat and grabbed his tray. "But I'll be damned if they get their dirty hands on her." And with that, the commander strode off out of the cafeteria.

In his wake, Zell smirked into his fifth hotdog. The old Squall was on his way back, baby.

* * *

Ragnarok was perched on the newly constructed air bay behind the garden and still glistened in the afternoon sun like it always used to, despite it being not being used for a long time. Squall hoped he could still fly her well and do the magnificent aircraft justice. Pulling his rucksack tighter onto his right shoulder, he climbed into the entrance and through to the cockpit, wondering why he never too Ragnarok out for a spin every now and then. Then he swiftly remembered – it had always reminded him of the retrieval of Rinoa in space and everything she had gone through. He would just have to put up with it the haunting memories. There was no way he was prepared to take a slower craft to Centra anyway, because that could double or even triple his travel time. After throwing his things onto one of the other seats, Squall sat in the pilot's seat and grasped the controls. They felt familiar in his hands, yet it was an odd sensation without the rest of the gang in the cock pit. Pangs of nostalgia flooded through him as he remembered how gung-ho they had been back then; full of confidence and determination. Now they had disbanded Squall knew that he had gained a lot from their company. Most of those feelings had been lost in the last 5 years.

Squall fired up the engines and set the thrusters to lift the craft off the ground. Admiring the shrinking garden below him, he set off south across the ocean to the continent of Centra.

Three hours later and Squall had the beaches of the lower continent of Centra in his sights. Lowering his altitude, the glistening marble buildings of his old home came into view. It didn't look like it did the last time he had been here 5 years ago, so he assumed that Matron had been rather busy with the orphanage. In the distance and further inland the new settlement of Olia glistened. New buildings and farmland showed the high level of productivity there. Olia was once a haven, much like Winhill, where individuals settled to get away from the political uneasiness of the two larger nations. Within only fouryears a bustling community had been established and Squall's curiousity burgeoned. He would have to visit there at some point. After his scanning of the landscape, Squall carefully navigated to the side of the orphanage and lowered Ragnarok steadily into the grassy fields. After grabbing his gear, he tentatively climbed out of Ragnarok and made his way up to the entrance of Edea's home. The orphanage did not look like an abandoned ruin anymore as the stone work had been masterfully repaired. The Corinthian columns stood strong in the evening sun and glistened with new life. The rotting wood of the doors had been replaced and the metal work of the latches had also been re-done. Even though he did not remember much of his childhood, the restored orphanage seemed to bring nostalgia to life within him and the warmth that followed was comforting.

Squall fidgeted and adjusted his bag on his shoulder. It was now or never. The brunette rapped on the door a few times but didn't seem to get any answer from inside. After a few minutes of waiting and knocking he searched around the entrance for any clue as to how to get inside. He searched in the gardening boots by the door, under the nearby rocks but then laid his eyes on the potted plants further down the wall. Upon looking under the third pot he found a glistening key that could only be the key to the front door. Once he was inside he dropped his bag and sat down on one of the couches in the main living area. Even though the interior was low maintenance, being stone and wood, more work needed doing to the interior. The warmth of nostalgia didn't leave him, and especially so when he laid his eyes on a photograph that Matron must have unearthed of the orphanage children. Zell, Quisty, Ellone, Selphie, Irvine, Seifer and himself. Squall arose from the comfort of the overstuffed couch and made his way out to the beach. The lighthouse shone in the distance like the rest of the house and Squall felt at that exact moment that he was at peace. Well and truly. It was so quiet. He was away from everything. It was just the sun and the waves and the flowers and himself. Squall took off his shoes and dug his toes into the white sand, feeling the grainy texture under the soles of his feet. He then rolled up his jeans and waded into the lapping waves, feeling the coolness of the water and smelling the saltiness of the ocean. It was like a sensory overload, something he had not exposed himself to for a very long time, but at the same time he felt it was something he had needed to experience.

Squall allowed himself to take it all in and lay down in the sand, letting the sand get into his clothes and hair but not really caring. So this is what the calm after the storm felt like. The world was mostly relatively peaceful, enjoying being free from a sorceress's influence, power and destruction and taking in the world for what it was. How had he not let himself experience this side of it? No wonder he was severely depressed.

Selphie and Irvine were so happy now with their brood and cats. Quistis was fired up and motivated by what she was doing. Ellone was busy with her own study on her abilities and even though she didn't contact Squall often, he knew that she loved him as a brother. Zell, well, he was perfectly okay given he had a constant supply of hot dogs. But Seifer… He didn't know what Seifer was up to these days. Not that he cared to know, as after the battle with Ultimecia, even though Seifer had been pardoned for his possessed crimes, Squall still felt utter animosity for him. He didn't feel he could think anything differently of him. He was the one that fell into the trap with his 'romantic dream'. He instigated the whole thing all because he felt he was too good for everyone else and wanted to follow a sorceress blindly. Squall too had made a promise to Rinoa, but this was completely different. He was not without sympathy though; Seifer must have felt at least a smidgen of guilt for the things that Ultimecia did through him, but even so he remained cocky throughout the numerous court cases he was involved in afterwards. That was what Squall knew he absolutely hated about Seifer.

Squall punched the sand beside, frustrated that his peace was gone and decided to go back into the house.

"Squall, honey." A gentle voice came from the house and Squall pushed himself up from the sand to face Matron.

"Hello Matron." Squall tried to smile at his aging second mother but knew that he would be lying. "I am here, as per your request."

Edea smirked as Squall walked up to meet her. "Oh come on, don't make it sound like such a chore. I didn't raise you that way."

Squall ran his hand through his hair and tried to shake the sand out of it. "Sorry. I guess I have lost my recent-found sociability."

Edea sighed and rested her hands on her hips. Upon closer inspection, she was allowing herself to age gracefully; her jet black hair was now streaked with grey and her face had become more lined since the last time he saw her. "I know all about it. You will not believe the things I've been hearing from Quistis, but then again, you probably don't want to know."

The brunette followed Matron into the house and helped her put her groceries away. "No thank you," he ended up saying to Edea's previous comment.

"Help me with dinner, will you." Edea commented and placed potatoes, carrots and parnips in front of squall to peel.

"Yes ma'am." Squall muttered, fearing an incoming negative response from Edea.

She turned to Squall, eyes narrowed, and swatted him on the arm. "No cheekiness from you, young man!"

Squall, without even realising initially, smirked at Edea's playfulness. And this was why he loved her.

* * *

After a filling dinner, in which matron had almost stuffed food down Squall's throat, the two settled down in the living area.

"You're too thin." Edea commented.

Squall frowned. "I know."

Edea frowned as well in response. "I don't know any other way to ask this of you… because I know what you're like… but… please tell me what you're feeling right now."

Squall threw up his hands, about ready to react defensively, when he noticed the concern on Edea's face. It mirrored that of Quistis' every time he talked to her, but he'd never really given her a straight answer. Now the woman who had raised him through childhood was asking, and maybe it had something to do with the wine he guzzled with dinner, but he was feeling a little more ready to open up.

"I'm not sure how to explain it." Squall rested his arms on his knees and inspected the floor. "I guess it's the typical symptoms of depression. At least, that's what Dr. Kadowaki says. I just feel lost. Empty. Like I have nothing-"

"-left to live for?" Edea finished for him.

"Yeah," Squall continued, "there's this things called a 'raison d'être'. A reason for existing. I don't think I have anything even remotely close."

Edea smiled and hugged a pillow. "I know that feeling, Squall. You may not think it, but I do. When Cid passed away I lost my raison d'être. I was really lost for a very long time, but things got better when I realised that I still have you. I still have Quisty, Zell, Irvine, Selphie, Ellone and Seifer. I still have these young people that I love that were fortunate to survive the cruel ordeals they were forced to witness and react to. I guess… thinking that put everything in perspective for me. You still have Rinoa and from what I hear she may be let out of cryostasis soon. That's something to look forward to!"

Squall knew at this point that he should smile, at least to humour Matron, but he couldn't. As much as he wanted to see Rinoa live life fully again, he couldn't even smile. "I suppose. But then again, I've lost so much of myself I don't even know how I feel about her anymore. I don't know what I'd do or feel if I saw her 'alive' again."

"Hmm…" Edea sat down next to Squall and laid her arm across his hunched shoulders. "Even if you don't love her intimately, you still love her. Somewhere in there, you still love her."

The brunette sighed loudly and rubbed his eyes with his thumbs. "I guess I still have a lot of baggage. I have so much internal conflict I can't even deal with external conflict."

"But that's only human, Squall." Edea rested her head against Squall's shoulder. "We all have conflicts. But I agree that you need to sort out some of what's weighing you down. Get some closure on things."

Squall felt as though at this point he should be trying to figure out what Edea was saying but he was emotionally exhausted at this point.

Edea released her hold and stood up. "Look, get some rest. Maybe things will be easier to deal with in the morning."

Squall looked up to see Edea's gleaming eyes shining warmly on his. A smile graced Squall's list as he nodded and made his way to his make-shift bedroom.

"Good night Edea."

"Sweet dreams, Squall."


	4. Seasons Change

**Everybody has a Ghost**

By JuniperHeart

**Summary - **After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.

**Warnings - **Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and may contain swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.

**Pairings - **Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer

**A/N - **Thanks for the support, I'm really enjoying writing this! The song for this chapter is Seasons Change by Days of the New.

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Seasons Change**

_Seasons change_

_Your life I can rearrange_

_Time for a change_

_Things will never be the same_

The following morning, Squall felt himself to be rather, refreshingly, well rested. Matron had brought a lot of baggage to the surface, and it almost felt as though he was tossing it out of his being, but he wasn't too sure if his increasing positivity would continue once he returned back to garden. After enjoying the warm confines of the bed in the spare room for longer than he normally did, he washed and wandered into the living area for breakfast. Matron was sitting in a nook, reading a book, already done with breakfast by the look of it.

"Help yourself to fruit, toast, cereal, whatever you like. I've got a busy day in store for you." Matron said in a distracted voice, not once tearing her eyes away from her book.

Squall nodded and strode into the kitchen, his feet cool against the stone floors. He was looking forward to a busy day, but figured he should probably return back to garden the next morning, just to be safe. He didn't want to get used to this.

After helping himself to some eggs on toast, which he ate with an appetite mind you, he sat down in the nook with Edea and inspected the cover of the book she was reading. A romance novel. Huh, he never really imagined her to be the type, but it showed how perceptive he was of people. Matron inserted her bookmark and put her book down in the corner, taking a good look at Squall.

"Now you've got some colour to you." She smiled and cocked her head, pushing some of Squall's hair behind his ear. "You really are a very handsome young man when you want to be, you know."

Squall didn't see it. He didn't see what Rinoa saw in him either. He figured he was pretty average. Not much had really changed, except his hair was a bit longer, he'd lost a bit (well, a lot) of weight, and with his usual uniform of blue jeans and white t-shirt, he dressed a lot more casually.

"You just need to eat more and begin to love yourself. Then others will express their love for you more openly."

Feeling slightly embarrassed and more than a little uncomfortable, Squall arose from the seat in the nook and placed his hand on his hip in impatience. "So, what are we doing today?"

Matron got up from her seat and guided Squall into one of the vacant bedrooms. "We're going to work on this one today. Get all the wood finishing constructed, sanded and varnished and get rid of the moss on the stone work. It should keep us busy for a while."

Squall could honestly say that he'd never picked up a hammer or any other building tool in his life, so he didn't know how much help he would be.

Matron continued. "Someone is dropping off the timber for us shortly and will be helping us out with the carpentry, but for now we can start on that pesky moss."

That was something Squall knew he could do, at least. Their work was quiet and his mind was peaceful, yet usually in times like these his mind could be far from it. The inner turmoil, and his shadow, seemed to have dissipated for now. Scrubbing away at the stone and digging the ingrained moss out from the cracks in the stone should have been boring for him, but he was actually finding it very therapeutic. Matron was smiling as she applied the moss killer, something he didn't really think warranted a smile, but it was nice to see from her anyway. Squall found himself smiling, also.

"Yo. Brought the timber. When do you think you'll be done with – "

Squall's heart leapt into his throat and he froze in place. All he could hear was the sound of his heart thudding in his chest in an attempt to tell him something was very very _wrong_ about what just happened and he should be cautious.

"Thanks love," Matron commented and pushed herself up from the floor. "We're nearly done with the moss."

It took a little while for Squall to realise what was actually happening, and by the truncated sentence from the other man in the room, he was just as dumbfounded. The brunette wound up from his squat and, even though he knew exactly who the other man was, he just had to see it for himself.

"Puberty boy! Long time, no see."

Seifer, in all of his glory with the same old smirk firmly planted on his face, was standing three metres away from him.

Squall narrowed his eyes in what seemed like habitual behaviour and saw that Seifer was still stunned to see him, but was trying to hide it under that cocky smile.

Squall felt like he should say something in retaliation, but he couldn't even think of what to say. He was still taking it all in; the rush of thoughts and feelings was still coursing heavily through him. This was new. Normally he would be so quick to react to Seifer's bullshit, but this time he was more wary. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was maturity. Maybe he just no longer cared for their rivalry.

An awkward silence descended as the three stood there. Squall eyed Seifer in curiosity. Time had been kind to him, like he had softened around the edges. Squall knew not to trust so easily though, especially when they had a track record like Seifer did. Looking into the familiar green eyes should have filled him with the same animosity as before, and even though he _knew_ he hated the other man, that wasn't the first thing on his mind. As his curiousity about Seifer grew, Matron huffed and broke the awkward moment.

"Well, I think it's time for a coffee break."

"I'll boil the kettle." Seifer turned and left the room, probably feeling the tenseness of the situation.

Matron was about to follow when Squall gently pulled her back. "Why didn't you tell me _he_ was going to be here?!" He whispered, his eyes wide. "You know exactly how I feel about what he did."

"I just thought it would be nice to reunite you two. You know, so you can get over what happened a long time ago. It's been a long time coming, to be honest." Matron pouted, her eyes not giving much away.

Squall let go of Edea's arm and ran his hand through his hair. "I can't believe this. How do you know he's changed?"

Edea scowled and her eyes flashed in anger. "Get over yourself Squall. Sure, he made a mistake. That mistake cost a lot of lives. Don't you think that you may not be the only one who still suffers from what happened back then?"

Squall swiftly silenced his retort.

"Now we are going to have a nice cup of coffee and you two are going to catch up. Is that clear?"

Squall was quickly reminded that Matron could be rather scary when she scolded someone, and Squall guessed he deserved it.

The brunette nodded in defeat and traipsed behind Matron, his heavy heart reluctant to go through what he was just about to. The surge of emotion was bringing everything he wanted to leave behind to the surface. Anger, bitterness, regret, guilt. And these feelings were steadily rising. He was used to quietly seething, though, so he would have to just put up with it.

Squall sat at the table with Edea next to him while Seifer fixed the coffee. His rage was also brewing and bubbling away within him. He felt like an animal that had been cornered and his respect for Matron was dropping. He couldn't believe he was caught in this predicament, when he'd worked so hard on avoiding it. While he was sympathetic, Seifer had not yet given any indication that he was remorseful.

Seifer placed the three cups on the table and sat down lazily in his chair across from Squall. The way he sat – with his arm draped over the back of the chair and his legs crossed in his usual way only served to aggravate Squall.

Minutes passed as they drank their coffee in silence. Squall was doing very well, he thought. Murderous thoughts hadn't entered his head and his meditation was helping somewhat. Squall inspected Seifer for a time out of the corner of his eye. He had not changed much; even his hairstyle was the same old. The scar Squall had given him had not decreased in intensity. It still looked angry and red and the more the brunette looked at it the more intense the feelings within him became. He knew he had a mirroring scar from him, also. As much as he hated it, they had something in common. He always retaliated even though he wanted not to care, right from the beginning. Then Seifer's light blue-green eyes locked onto Squall's, sending chills to his core.

"So…" Seifer was the first to break the silence. "How've you been, Squally boy?"

And that was when all resolve within Squall snapped. Launching himself from his chair, Squall whirled around and strode out of the room, yelling "like you give a fuck!" on his way out.

"Hmm, that went well." Seifer murmured and chuckled to himself.

Edea sighed and shook her shoulders. "Some things don't change. Just a warning for future encounters – don't ask him how he is."

* * *

Squall was beyond pissed. His holiday had been ruined by the last person he had wanted to see on the planet and he was the same smug bastard he had always been. How did Edea expect him to change if his antagonist refused to?

Before Squall knew it he was standing in the midst of the flowery fields. The same place he made his promise to Rinoa. He sat within the green tendrils and breathed deeply. The fragrant perfumes from the blossoms soothed him somewhat, but he was still reeling from what had just happened. He couldn't believe it. Edea had tried to reunite them. After everything they had gone through. He did still have to remind himself that Seifer had been possessed for the majority of the time but he still couldn't let his stupidity go.

_Sure, he made a mistake. That mistake cost a lot of lives. Don't you think that you may not be the only one who still suffers from what happened back then?_

Maybe if Seifer gave an indication that he was suffering, only then would he feel like forgiving him, but he hadn't seen that yet.

Yeah, everybody made mistakes back then. Even Squall had. He was not a perfect person, but he never claimed to be. What was it about Seifer that made him want to show that proud persona, if he were in fact a defective person? He had never understood Seifer's motives and he guessed he still didn't. Like why Seifer always goaded him into battle and fighting back, why he relentlessly mocked and made fun of him. Then again, there were the rare times where he showed they were on equal footing. He had never fitted the SeeD niche though, and perhaps he didn't want to. He seemed hell bent against becoming one, anyway.

Squall laid back into the flora and breathed deeply. Why he had become so emotional after seeing Seifer for the first time in 5 years baffled him. He couldn't _not_ care, as much as he tried. He should have let go of this baggage by now, but even just five minutes with Seifer had ripped the wounds wide open again. Everything was coming out now but he just wanted it to stop.

* * *

Squall had thought about leaving on the Ragnarok once he had finished agonising over the whole affair, but he knew he had left his things in the house. Cursing at himself, he chose to wait until after dark, hoping Seifer would have left by now. He felt slightly guilty that he had left a lot of work for Matron to do, but he remembered that this had been a ploy to reunite the two so his guilt was subdued. Creeping up to the house, he saw that the light in the living area was still on, so he hoped with everything he had that Edea was still up. Then again he would have to face _her_ so he didn't think he fared too much better. Squall swallowed and crept softly to the door, opening it and purposefully not looking towards the couches in the corner.

"Squall. Sit."

Squall wished, at this moment, the floor would open up and swallow him whole. But he was not that fortunate. Turning to face Seifer, he regarded him coolly, a lot calmer than he had been earlier.

"What do you want?" Squall muttered, trying to remain neutral.

Seifer laughed softly. "To talk. So sit."

Squall huffed with irritation. "That's all people seem to want to do with me lately. Too bad that I don't care to talk to anyone, including you."

As he made his way through the room, Seifer spoke out in a way that stopped him in his tracks.

"For fuck's sake, Squall, just sit down and hear me out." Seifer remarked and didn't move from his spot.

Fury rose within Squall and he strode towards Seifer until he was in front of him. "_You_ don't get to order me to do anything! You're a hopeless sack of remorseless shit and I don't want to fucking talk to you, got it?!"

The blonde smirked and cocked his head. "But you are talking to me. Calm down and sit down."

Squall swore he could have punched Seifer in his mug but quickly summoned the willpower to resist the urge. He found himself sitting, instead.

"First, I'm not remorseless. Maybe if you'd turned up to all the hearings you would have seen the reason why they only exiled me and didn't just decide to execute me." Seifer saw that Squall was not about to interject, so he continued. "Second, I've done my time. I've paid for my sins in more ways than you can imagine, so cut me some slack, will ya?"

Squall could feel his anger cooling as Seifer spoke. As much as he wanted to believe it was heartfelt, a great portion of him stubbornly rejected Seifer's claims. "So, you think that's going to make it all okay?"

"No, I-"

"-Save it for someone more gullible. You think, after everything you put me through, you can sit me down and have a nice little chat and think, 'yeah, that should do it' and think that everything will be good and happy again?"

Squall leant back in the couch across from Seifer and eyed him. He seemed to be genuine, but what he was saying did little to repair the damage.

Squall continued. "While we sit here, Rinoa is in stasis at the memorial. She took on that burden because of what you helped initiate. She sacrificed everything for you. While everyone else seems to be happy, the world is still in turmoil. A cold war is raging, and people are still working on making the world peaceful again."

Seifer smirked and sat up, his elbows on his knees. "Ever the commander. I can see you haven't lost your touch. You don't have to forgive me, and I guess I do still have to pay for what I did. But don't think I didn't make my own sacrifices."

Lethargy was seeping through Squall as the conversation progressed and it was all becoming too much. "Look. I don't think things will ever be peachy between us, but just stay out of my way in the future." And with that, Squall continued to do what he had initially intended. He went to bed.

Seifer chuckled to himself once Squall was out of earshot and made his way to the other spare bedroom. It was going to be another interesting day tomorrow.


	5. Late Night

**Everybody has a Ghost**

By JuniperHeart

**Summary - **After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.

**Warnings - **Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and may contain swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.

**Pairings - **Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer

**A/N - **Things start to get interesting... The inspiration for this chapter is Late Night by Foals.

* * *

**Chapter Five – Late Night**

_Oh, I hope that you were somebody, someone I could count_

_To pull me to my feet again, when I was in doubt_

_Now I'm the last cowboy in this town, empty veins and my plastic broken crown_

_They said I swam the sea then ran aground_

_They said I once was lost, but now I'm truly found_

Squall did not sleep quite so well the second night. For some reason he could not find rest, even though he was incredibly tired. Seifer's words were rolling around in his head. How did he feel he could be so easily and quickly trusted again? He was barely trusted to begin with, really. When he Squall did eventually fall asleep, it was fitful and restless. Needless to say he woke up on the wrong side of the bed at six in the morning and decided that there was no point in sticking around. He didn't want to wake Matron at this hour and he most certainly didn't want to encounter Seifer again after what had gone down previously. After arranging his clothing onto his naked form he realised that he wasn't filling them again. His jeans were starting to just barely hang on his hips. He needed to do something about this, like getting back into sculling down raw egg again or something, even if he didn't want to. He knew he was wasting away. His face was starting to look hollow too, when at the tender age of 22 it didn't suit him. He had lost the full face of his youth. Breathing a despondent sigh, Squall threw his belongings into his rucksack and crept out of the bedroom. He had always been rather stealthy, but none of that mattered if Seifer were involved. He was hoping lady luck would be on his side this time.

The sun was just peaking over the horizon as Squall escaped the house unscathed. Feeling rather positive after that, he strode out through the fields to where Ragnarok was sitting waiting for him, glistening in the morning sun. He had barely thought about the state of the nation while he had been away, and he was reluctant to start now, but he knew he had to get back to it all. Running his hands along the tall grass, he took in all the sights and smells of his surroundings that he had to leave. It had been good for him, regardless of the Seifer factor, he decided.

He had thought too soon, however. Squinting his eyes, Squall noticed a figure standing by the entrance to Ragnarok and cursed his luck. Leaning against the back engines of the craft was Seifer, dressed in black slacks and a casual white shirt. He seemed to be enjoying the environment they were in, also.

Squall strode through the field and looked downward. Even though he knew he couldn't just ignore the other man, he was going to damn well try. Closing the distance between himself and Ragnarok, he kept staring at the ground and walked up to the entrance.

"I knew you'd be up early." Seifer remarked and pushed himself off the exterior of Ragnarok. "You always used to get up early."

Squall huffed in annoyance and his eyes flicked to Seifer briefly. He no longer looked like a boy in those clothes, but somehow he had refused to believe that Seifer was no longer a boy. They were all adults now. Not that he felt like he was one yet.

"Do I need to ask you what you want every time I see you?" Squall muttered and undid the hatch to open the boarding ramp.

Seifer chuckled under his breath. "Well, this time it has little to do with you, and more to do with the fact that I have business with garden. It is convenient that I don't have to go by boat."

That sentence painted a smile on Squall's lips. "So this trip was really just a ploy to get me to pick you up?"

"If that's what Matron decided on." Seifer shrugged, his bright eyes shining. "I really didn't know you would be here until I saw Ragnarok, and even then I didn't know it would be you specifically."

"Huh." Squall replied dismissively and climbed up the ramp into Ragnarok, Seifer watching him as he did so. "Well, are you coming or what?"

"Yes, sir." Seifer quipped under his breath, really noting now that very little had changed about Squall's personality, in particular, towards himself. But underneath that cold exterior, he worried that the fire had died out and could never be reignited. What a shame and a loss that would be.

Why was he even thinking about that, he wondered? He did know, but it was something he never really wanted to think about, let alone admit. There were a lot of 'why's and there had been a long time to consider how he felt about them.

Seifer held his breath as he made his way into the cockpit behind Squall for two reasons. The first was that he was extremely impressed with the Ragnarok, having not been within it before, and the second was that he was rather concerned about Squall's physical wellbeing. It was obvious that he was thin and borderline malnourished and it was, he admitted, painful to see. Seifer had been through his own kind of hell, but not the kind that could be visible on the surface. If he could help Squall in the way he had helped himself, he would then maybe consider his debt to Squall and the rest of humanity somewhat repaid.

He wouldn't even have thought himself capable of thinking things like these 5 years ago, but the ordeal and the aftermath seemed to really have done a number on him.

Squall ignored the man behind him and sat in the pilot's seat, flicking on the engines.

"Hey, you mind if I fly her back to garden?" The blonde piped up behind Squall and stared out toward the open expanse of the plains. "It'd be nice to have a go."

Squall could feel his annoyance steadily rising. It was bad enough the Seifer was coming back to garden with him for Hyne knows what, but flying his precious Ragnarok was another thing entirely. "Are you sure you can handle her?" Squall peered up at Seifer by his side.

Seifer smirked with the look of his face that meant 'are you kidding me?'. But there was something else there, behind that look. He had always smirked so infallibly, but it was wavering. Maybe he shouldn't let him have a go.

Seifer just laughed as the brunette stayed fixed in the pilot's seat, obviously giving it some thought. "If I can fly the bloody Lunatic Pandora I can fly this thing, so move over."

And with a swift shove Squall was no longer in the main seat but on the edge of the one by its side. He was surprised, given the force Seifer had exerted, that he was silent and not retaliating. Maybe it was what Seifer had just said about the Lunatic Pandora and how comfortably he had said it. Had he really made peace with his past? Squall was stumped, because he knew he should feel hatred for what Seifer had done on the Lunatic Pandora before he fled, but he was also considering all the other things Seifer had brought up. Was he getting _soft_?

The brunette looked out the main window as Seifer gently pulled the Ragnarok up from the ground with ease. There was something about watching Seifer concentrate that had always riveted him. He had always tried not to care, but the inquisitiveness had always been there. What was Seifer _really_ thinking about?

"Ragnarok really is a marvel…" Seifer trailed off as he boosted the main engines and the craft shot off across Centra. "I heard you fought aliens in this thing?"

So he really wanted to talk for no reason? Squall looked up through the cover his longer hair was giving him and saw that Seifer was looking directly at him. Shocked, Squall sat up straight and looked the other way. "The propagators, yes. They had previously inhabited the ship, and were probably the downfall of the previous crew."

"So…" Seifer paused, as if not sure what to say. "You got Ragnarok after rescuing Rinoa, right?"

An icy cold fell over Squall as he remembered floating in space with Rinoa, not knowing if they would ever get back home again, but feeling happy that he was there with her even if they didn't survive.

"Yes." It wasn't as though he could conjure up anything else to say.

Seifer sighed. "I guess I haven't apologised fully yet so I suppose I should. I'm sorry for everything."

It all happened a long time ago. They were children back then, capable of having foreign passions and motivations and not knowing how to deal with them. Some things they still couldn't deal with, and that was what was keeping Squall from accept his apology right now.

"Thanks, but no thanks." Summed up what Squall was thinking quite well.

Seifer knew it wouldn't be easy, but he hoped that his new assignment would ensure that they could at least get back onto equal footing again.

"That's okay," Seifer said, switching Ragnarok to cruise control, "I know you don't want anything to do with me after everything that happened, and there's not much I can do to change that. It's all up to you."

Fuck. Not another thing that Squall felt he had to have power over. It felt like, even though it was only Matron at this point, the whole world was trying to get them to be best buddies and all he had to do was just drop his guard and let everyone walk all over him. Well, he didn't give a rat's arse if he wasn't like because of it. He was in self-protection mode and people shouldn't blame him for being that way.

"Whatever…" Squall said out of habit and crossed his arms. Maybe they could pass the hours without saying anything to each other?

Seifer guffawed beside Squall, finding the situation quite hilarious. "Man… you really haven't changed one bit, ice princess."

The brunette's jaw could have fallen on the floor after that. "Ice princess?! Ice princess! Where the _hell_ did that one come from?"

"You know that's what all your classmates called you behind your back, right?" Seifer grinned widely and slapped Squall on the back. "You were a loner, cold to pretty much everyone. It was no wonder you had the highest affinity with Shiva."

"Oh _fuck you_ Seifer. At least I wasn't a selfish prick with a 'romantic dream', which turned out to be with Matron!" Squall needed to get out of the cockpit before his anger escalated higher, so he climbed out of the co-pilot's chair.

Seifer's jaw could also have fallen to the floor. Astounded, he shook his head. "Wow, I guess I deserved that one. Now we're even."

"We're never fucking even." Squall spat and stormed out, leaving Seifer up to navigate and fly the Ragnarok himself.

Seifer knew he had work to do, but it was progressing well considering, he thought. That fire within Squall hadn't died, much to his elation, and due to the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he knew that the chemistry hadn't died between them. He was already thinking about when he could get his next fix.

* * *

Squall spent the rest of the trip in the passenger room, gazing outside the large windows and trying to figure out which piece of land in the distance was what. Why couldn't Seifer just get off his back? It was too much for him to really think about now as he knew he wasn't in his right mind. What harm would come to him if he really did forgive Seifer? What was Seifer going to garden for? There's no way he would be there willingly so maybe he was going there to meet up with someone else? But there wasn't anyone there other than Xu and Zell that he knew of, and their relationships had probably been worse than _his_ and Seifer's. If you could call it that. Mutual animosity, maybe. It was a little suspicious that Seifer was so willing to bury the hatchet now, after just meeting again.

_Stop thinking Squall_, he thought to himself. It was easier thought than done.

* * *

It was late morning when Seifer touched Ragnarok down successfully behind garden. Squall wasn't surprised that he had flown Ragnarok expertly. He had always done everything very well, apart from social graces. Resignedly, Squall left the passenger room and made his way to the exit ramp, just knowing that he was going to bump into Seifer again. Past events had made it a statistical certainty.

Like clockwork, Seifer was waiting at the bottom ramp.

"Where are you headed?" Seifer questioned, falling in behind Squall as he dismissively walked past.

Squall wished he wouldn't. "My office."

"Ah, just where I'm headed."

Squall whirled around and glared at Seifer almost comically. "Just what _is _your business with Garden?"

The blonde managed to stifle a chuckle at Squall's overdramatic expression. "Just summon Xu and get Quisty on the monitor and then we'll talk."

Squall huffed, like so many times before. His nerves could only take so much.

It was a quiet stroll through garden, though. However, this time, the comments from the students were more astonished and obvious, probably due to Squall's entourage. Seifer had not been back in garden since he ran out to chase his romantic dream and it must have been a bit of a shock to see two people who were once enemies, in the same vicinity together and not tearing each other apart. Seifer just goaded them on, waving to the huddled groups like he were here yesterday and watching with particular delight as they quietened and averted their gaze.

In little time they reached Squall's office. Squall tiredly slouched into his desk chair, paged Xu and dialled Quistis' number.

"Here we go. I wonder what little surprises you three have in store for me. I just _love _surprises," muttered Squall sardonically.

Seifer chose to stay standing, but moved behind Squall so he could see the monitor. "Nothing too painful, I promise," he reassured, as if he could.

Xu quickly entered the office, as if on call, greeting Seifer pleasantly. That was something Squall would have thought would only happen if hell had frozen oven. Quistis' beaming smile appeared on the monitor and the discussion was underway.

"What is the meaning of this?" Squall asked plainly.

Quistis looked to Xu to explain. They were both used to Squall's frankness.

"Well," Xu began, "As well as a battle trainer we will need someone with more specialised knowledge of magic and GFs. Since the banking of the Guardian Forces we have not been training our students, and they will need to be proficient with them."

"And that's where I come in," Seifer said smugly, enjoying the look of horror seeping onto Squall's face.

"That's right," Quistis interjected. "We've decided that Seifer would be a great asset as a GF and magic instructor after the students and SeeDs retrieve their GFs, considering he has kept his the whole time."

Silence descended into the room, Squall's look of horror converting into one of contemplation. "Why were his not taken off him?"

"It was set in his sentencing that he was not to use them again in any case, and we could not risk trying to get them off him because of his…" Quistis looked to Seifer for permission to continue. He let it pass. "…mental state at the time. Since then he went to exile and we didn't bother getting them off him at a later date."

Silence again.

"So, let me get this straight." Squall slouched deeper into his chair. "You're telling me that garden is employing _him_ because he has more current experience with GFs and magic?"

"Yes." Xu said frankly. "I think over time he has become suitable for the position."

"Quistis. You recommended him, didn't you?" Squall spat accusingly.

Quistis just laughed it off like Matron would have done. "I did. And in the end, even though you're commander, Xu is the headmistress and is responsible for the students, so it's her decision."

Squall clenched his eyes shut and rubbed them a bit too roughly. Exhaling loudly, he stood up. "Fine. Have it your way. Xu, Seifer, if you don't mind, I would like to talk to Quistis alone for a while."

"No problem, _commander_." Seifer winked and followed Xu out towards the elevator.

Seething, Squall strode up to the monitor and scrunched his hair in his hands. "Are you trying to make me go even more insane? Why him?! Just… why? Why would you even do this?"

"Oh Squall, calm down," Quistis soothed, "we hired him because he will do the job. He has a lot to prove, a lot to give, and a big debt to repay. What better way to integrate him back into garden than to hire him? He will be an excellent instructor, and you'll barely see him. I will be communicating with him more than you will be."

Squall felt like screaming. The world really was against him.

"Just give him a chance, Squall. He'll be a good boy. He's been through a lot too, and has a larger burden to bear than you do. So let him be." Quistis kissed Squall virtually and waved. "I have to go. Let me know how you get on, okay."

Squall didn't… couldn't say anything. He just let the screen go dead.

Time to blow off some steam in the training centre.


End file.
